Do you have one person that you look up too? A person you want to be just like. The person who I look up to and be just like would probably be Ryan Braun. He is one of the best young baseball players ever.
If you don’t know who Ryan Braun is he is the Right Fielder for the Milwaukee Brewers. Ryan is amazing at baseball. He got Rookie of the year in the National League. And also was put on the all star team his rookie year. He’s come a long way from his first year. In 2008 he led the Brewers to the N.L Wild Card but they did lose to the Phillies who eventually went on to win the World Series.
Last year for Christmas my dad knew that I really liked Ryan Braun so he went to an auction. On Christmas morning I opened a present that was amazing. It was a picture of Ryan Braun playing in college at Miami and it was signed by Ryan Braun!! I have that picture in my room. I will never forget that present from my favorite person.
Your voice comes out of this piece of writing giving the reader the degree of excitement you felt when you opened this gift! Excellent! I felt as though you were literally telling me about this experience rather then sitting here simply reading it. That's what strong voice does in writing. Well done, Matt!!
ReplyDeleteI also really liked the voice. It was strong and to the point. I think taht it was really cool. Vocabulary could have helped this piece a little bit too. One of things that I thought could have been included a little bit more was an opinion and a reaction to everything. It was kind of like telling us what Ryan Braun has done but not why he is too important in your life. What makes him your role model besides that he is really good at baseball. I think that this piece is really nice because of the voice. You truley know how to use good strong voice. Nice Job!!!
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